Someone Actually Gives Lindsay Lohan New Movie Role

Lindsay Lohan’s last film was called I Know Who Killed Me, and it was so bad that the 17 people who saw it nearly died at the box office. True story.

Now the Crotch of Fire will be starring in another murder-filled flick.

Lohan has been tapped to play Nancy Pittman, one of Charles Manson’s cult followers, in the upcoming film Manson Girls, according to E!.

Since Lindsay Lohan, 21, has had serious troubles with the law and just completed rehab, “the production company is insuring her for the film,” a source told E!

Lindsay Lohan will make her film return in Manson Girls.

In other news, on Sunday, Lindsay Lohan’s 67-year-old grandmother suffered minor injuries after driving her car into a tree and pole on Long Island.

Recent reports of Lindsay herself colliding with a pole (belonging to Calum Best) are untrue, as the grainy cellphone picture of some chick polishing the knob of some dude turned out not to be the troubled celebrity after all. Sad.